Sunday, November 21, 2010

Four Loko Friday


If you live under a rock, you haven't heard the news about the evil that is Four Loko. For those of you out of the loop, Four Loko is an alcoholic energy drink. In a 24 oz can, there is enough caffeine to equal 3 cups of coffee and 12% alcohol (that's 4 to 5 beers). FOR $3.50!!!!!! Considering a single mixed drink costs $7 here, no wonder these drinks are so popular on college campuses due to their low cost and high alcohol content! I never would have wanted to drink one if the FDA wasn't pushing to ban alcoholic energy drinks. I convinced some friends (Jess, Elliot, and Lee) that we had to try this monstrosity before it became illegal. The manufacturer also said they'd release a caffeine-free version to appease the FDA prior to a decision being made about a ban.

Jess, Elliot, and I went to an ABC liquor store, only to find out they pulled the drinks a week ago. Lee called to say he found some at a local gas station. We immediately went there and bought one can each. We weren't trying to end up in the hospital or die, so we agreed one each. We sat out on the public green space in our neighborhood, where the movie Inception was being shown. Since the movie is supposed to be weird, the logic was, "Hey, let's get drunk and watch a crazy movie!" We didn't end up seeing any of the movie, because we were goofing off!

Jess, Elliot, & Me

Me and Lee

I would agree with this evaluation of the taste. I bought Cranberry Lemonade It tasted like cat piss + carbonated water (like you get at the soda fountain when the soda syrup runs out) + cheap cranberry/Koolaid taste. That was the flavor that Jess and Lee selected also. Elliot wanted to be different and bought the Orange flavor, which he described as Tang + cat piss. So a very nasty taste. Literally, one of my first comments was, "How did people drink several of these?"

The caffeine definitely hit me before the alcohol. It's a very weird feeling when the caffeine is already in effect and the alcohol starts to kick in. We were being loud and goofy. I drank my can in a little under two hours. The taste is so gross, so I can't understand how people pounded 4 cans to end up in the hospital! We walked down the little Main Street strip and ended up at our "favorite" neighborhood bar. (I put that in quotes because it's a little dirty considering how nice the area is.) A few friends from work ran into us and said we seemed really hyper. There was a polar bear there.


No, I was not hallucinating. Someone was in a polar bear costume promoting Ursus Vodka. They were handing out free shots and slap bracelets, like the ones from elementary school. The shots were blue and red, so I picked red. It tasted like cough syrup. Just gross. I had ordered a Bacardi and Sprite, so I used that to get the cough syrup taste out of my mouth. I did manage to finish that Bacardi and Sprite, causing someone to buy me a second one. I ended up dropping that second Bacardi. I like to think it was for the best. I don't know if being 7 drinks into a Friday night is the best choice... Thankfully, we walked to and from the bar (no DUI!).

Overall, I would say it was a fun night. However, I can see how the caffeine makes people unable to realize how drunk they are. I was afraid to fall asleep in case I threw up in my bed, so I managed to position my small trash can between my desk and my bed at a height where I would be able to just roll over and throw up if needed. Thankfully, I did not get sick in my sleep. I woke up the next morning feeling like I drank gasoline. My entire GI system felt like it had been burned, literally everything from my throat to my intestines hurt. I ended up swallowing toothpaste on accident, which caused me to gag. Yuck. Never again. Nice to know you, Four Lokos, but I won't be sad to never drink you again. The FDA effectively banned the drinks this weekend. I spent the rest of the day: (1) having Cristin drive me to Chic-fil-a for hangover-curing lemonade and fries, which taste different since they switched to canola oil, (2) eating Panera with Jess, Elliot, and Cristin, (3) running errands with Cristin, including getting an amazing raspberry jelly-filled vegan yeasted doughnut at Whole Foods, and (4) watching History of the World while eating pizza with the three of them. When the shit hit the fan this year, I never would have imagined making three such great friends. Too bad Cristin passed out after Indian food and didn't make it to Four Loko Friday!

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